Blog

Yesterday, I sent a rather harsh message to our orchestra's WhatsApp group concerning our last rehearsal together. The wording in the message included “very disappointing” and “waste of time.” I have no idea what anyone thinks about what I said. I'm slightly worried that I've been too harsh, but I don't regret sending the message.

You know, I've probably been hanging around Aliff for so long that his passion has rubbed off on me. But I shared in it from the beginning, else we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. In the past six years of working with more than one hundred other local classical musicians, we've never found even one person who shares our sentiments. No one thinks it would be great if we could jam classical music together every day to the point that we've memorised a dozen tunes that we can perform at the snap of a finger.

I don't understand why people in this country bother learning classical instruments at all. Some of them can pay 50,000 MYR for their instruments alone, yet it seems like they will do anything it takes to play on them as little as possible. At least that's how it appears to me when no one can prepare all of their orchestra parts adequately.

Is it that they have no time? But they have time to post on Instagram. Is it that they hate orchestra? But they volunteered to join our group. They print their music as requested and show up for rehearsals. Am I simply asking too much by expecting some level of playing quality? But then what lower level should I expect? Am I asking too much because I don't even pay them to do it? So then musicians are happy to be mediocre?

I am so perplexed, and I don't see any way out of this vortex.

By the way, we are preparing for a concert to be held on 26 December. After two years of inactivity, we've decided to start it up again. After much mulling and debate, we've decided to go through this pain again because the alternative is to do nothing, and that is worse.

We are banking on a few seasoned professionals to save the show, and we won't even meet until maybe the day of the performance itself. I used to look forward to our orchestra rehearsals whether the players were professional or not, but after the last rehearsal I don't think I will anymore. Not long ago, I thought I could be content even if I never performed again—I could be more useful working behind the scenes. But for the first time ever, I've felt like quitting music for good.

I'm still looking forward to the concert. I'll keep doing my best. As usual, there's a mountain of tasks we need to complete for the sake of the event's success. It's all part of the pain. Usually, the music is worth it.